


How Albus Dumbledore handles bullying, Narrated by Bellatrix Lestrange

by blaisegellert



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Azkaban, M/M, Short One Shot, harry potter one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27872182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaisegellert/pseuds/blaisegellert
Summary: An Internet inspired one shot.  Albus Dumbledore is a wise man.  He knows how to handle everything, and yes that includes bullying!
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Kudos: 8





	How Albus Dumbledore handles bullying, Narrated by Bellatrix Lestrange

J.K Rowling and Albus Dumbledore have lunch one fateful Wednesday, several years ago in early October.

(JKR)

"Albus! I need you to be gay so I can wake up."

  
(Albus) frowning,

  
"I think they call it woke, Miss Rowling, and I must kindly and most politely ask you to leave me out of it because this is untrue. I am not gay. If you wish to get woke, I suggest that you could be gay instead. That seems more fair as you are the one with the need to become woke."

  
(JKR)

"Okay."

****  
Three days later on twitter, ****

(JKR)

Dumbledore is gay...ALWAYS was, ALWAYS will be.

(Dumbledore)Ignores, because at first that is the mature thing to do.

  
Tweets continue, eventually revealing that Dumbledore is gay with a wizard that he realistically wouldn't even get on with considering* Albus nice, Grindelwald dark as my soul!*

Eventually Albus gets an angry letter from Grindelwald with the Nurmengard return address. It read as follows:  
AS IF TAKING ME DOWN WASN'T ENOUGH, DUMBLEDORE! NOW PEOPLE ARE CLAIMING THAT I ACTUALLY SHAGGED YOU! WILL THE SHAME NEVER END?

At this, Dumbledore finally becomes enraged because now even Grindelwald of all people is throwing shade. For the first time in his life, Dumbledore does not believe that kindness can kill em. Of course, his next thought was yours truly! Yes indeed, Bellatrix Lestrange, of whom everyone is rightfully terrified and the one woman no one dares to bully...EVER! His first attempt to hire me to torment Skeeter for spreading lies fails.

  
When I say I don't care because locked up in Azkaban and hate the world, he shows me a script called Cursed Child that claims I shagged the Dark Lord...Okay it's on!  
Dumbledore and I unite to open a can of hex arse on Skeeter who is the true mastermind behind Rowling. I show her the error of her ways...with my unforgivable words, and make her fix all the lies.  
And that, my Muggles, is how you handle bullies!  
Bella L

  
(Dear Reader,  
Please don't take this delightful little spot of brightness in your day to mean that we hate gays, because no. If you have any doubts, check out, In The Dark, or The Search Is Over. And for more non-PC love, check out Severus and his unknown but oh-so-valid BFF in Knowledge Is Power. All mentioned stories are uploaded here as well.)


End file.
